


You’re My Sickness

by TheGermanKeeper15



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I didn’t Even Proofread, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Joshua and Vernon’s Relationship is Platonic, M/M, This Was Lowkey a Mistake, major angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 21:06:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14363688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGermanKeeper15/pseuds/TheGermanKeeper15
Summary: Hansol has been suffering from the dreaded Hanahaki Disease for three, agonizing days.And now, he’s reached his breaking point.





	You’re My Sickness

Hansol stared numbly down at the petals in the palm of his hand. Part of him wanted to scream and sob in agony, the other part of him hated himself for letting it get this bad. 

Hanahaki Disease. Who would have suspected that this is what Hansol’s life would come to? After everything he’s done, how far he’s made it in life, he still couldn’t escape the feelings he had done his best to ignore. And he was finally paying the price for it.

“Vernon-hyung?” A timid voice called from the edge of the doorway. Hansol’s chest ached as another band of petals erupted from his lungs and out of his throat. He wanted to shy away from the younger boy, but the pain had glued him to his spot, he didn’t dare move out fear of worsening the pain.

“Hyung!” Chan gasped, rushing to his friend’s side. The dark, blood red roses littered the floor in a way that would have been beautiful if not for the context behind the situation. 

Hansol almost laughed imagining Minghao taking as many pictures as he could of the flowers. It was aesthetically pleasing, but he found himself incapable of truly appreciating the beauty before him.

“Jeonghan-hyung! Joshua-hyung! Please, help!” Chan exclaimed desperately, his voice shaking as if he was trying not to cry. As expected, the two men called upon were quick to respond to their Maknae’s request.

“Vernon?” Joshua practically yelped, his voice low as if speaking too loudly would anger the disease. “What happened?” He demanded as calmly as he could. Jeonghan was yet to speak, the shock had likely stripped him of his ability to form words.

“I-I don’t know,” Hansol confessed through gritted teeth. He was still hunched over, gripping the blanket in his lap tightly from where he sat on the floor of his room. “I don’t know,” he repeated, tears beginning to fall from his eyes as the severity of the situation settled in his chest with the roots and petals within him. 

“Oh, Vernonie,” Jeonghan whimpered as he gently pulled Hansol out of his fetal position. “Who?” The simple word that fell from his hyung’s lips was enough to break the eurasian boy. He couldn’t hold back the sobs that racked his weak body. 

“Is he going to be okay?” Chan asked Jeonghan quietly. Hansol felt his heart ache in despair. 

Chan would never love him. Chan only saw him as a friend. A brother. Chan only worried about him now because he was Chan’s hyung. Nothing more. Never anything more. 

“It’s okay, Vernonie,” Jeonghan reassured him gently. But it wasn’t okay. Hansol wasn’t okay. The pain he felt was so paralyzing that he could hardly distinguish the emotional trauma from the physical illness buried inside of him.

He cried out in anguish when he felt the younger boy wrap his arms around him tightly. “It’s going to be alright, hyung,” Chan promised. Hansol nodded slowly in agreement, despite how strongly he disagreed with the statement. 

He just wanted Chan to stay here, pressed against him with all his love and affection focused on Hansol. “I love you,” Chan mumbled just loud enough for Vernon to hear.

His body seized immediately, his reaction to the words was aggressive. Hansol gagged violently on the petals and thorns that clawed their way out of his esophagus. His throat stung from the pricking of the rose thorns and he saw splatters of blood on the carpet, barely visible next to the dark flowers.

“Seungcheol!” Joshua shouted, dashing out of the room to retrieve their leader. Hansol knew what would happen if he stayed here. Surgery. 

Hansol brought himself up into a standing position as quickly as he could, ignoring the horrific pain in his lungs as he did so. He didn’t hesitate to sprint out of the room, away from the other boys. 

He yanked open the front door and ran as fast as he could. He just wanted it all to go away- the pain, the pity and everything else that waited for him back at their dorm. 

His lungs burned, but he couldn’t stop. Not until he made it to his destination. The other members would start looking for him soon, so his window of opportunity was slipping away. He pushed harder, the burning sensation now traveling to the muscles in his legs, but he still refused to give up.

Hansol couldn’t go back to the dorm. Chan would be there, and just being around the boy had made Hansol’s disease go from bad to awful in just three days. Getting surgery would erase all the feelings he had for his dongsaeng, something Vernon couldn’t bare to do.

Despite the suffering he endured as a result of his unrequited love, the love he felt for Chan was so intense and beautiful that he knew he could never love anyone like that again. And he didn’t want to let go of that feeling. When his heart fluttered because the younger boy had simply smiled at him, Hansol never felt more alive.

Take that away, and Hansol was pretty much already dead.

So what difference would it make, now? He would die with the purest emotion still fresh to his memory. He would die in love, something he had always wanted. Not under these exact circumstances, but he didn’t have many options anymore.

Hansol slowed to a walk as he approached the bridge overlooking the lake a few blocks away from the dorm. From his home. From Chan. 

Hansol inhaled deeply as he stepped over the gate guarding the ledge. It was dark out, it had been for a while. 

No one could see him. No one could stop him. 

He looked back at the road, biting his lip at the thought of his hyungs frantically searching for him. He knew they cared about him, and it was so selfish and unfair of him to just leave them with nothing- not even a note.

Vernon pulled his phone out of his pocket and called the last person he had messaged.

“Where are you?” The deep voice demanded, but concern was laced in his tone. 

“I’m so sorry,” Hansol cried as he inched closer to the edge. “Wonwoo-hyung, I’m so sorry.”

“Vernon-”

“I love all of you,” Hansol interrupted. “Please believe me. I love you all, but it hurts so much, hyung. I can’t live like this, I’m so sorry,” he rambled almost incoherently into his phone.

“Vernon, please-” his voice was softer now, and he didn’t bother masking the immense worry he felt. Hansol couldn’t bring himself to hear what Wonwoo had to say, he threw his phone as hard as he could onto the concrete sidewalk.

“I’m sorry,” Hansol whispered to the moon. No one was there with him, but it brought him comfort. His eyes fluttered shut just as the light of their manager’s van landed on him from the road.

“Vernon, no!” Joshua yelled at him in English. If he had been just a second earlier maybe, maybe, he could have stopped Hansol.

But the second had passed, and with it, Joshua’s opportunity to rescue the younger boy.


End file.
